18 August 2007

Children

There is something to be said about the job of a parent. I can't think of anything one can do their life that is as rewarding as raising a child. As frustrating as it can be, at times... I love being a father.
Sometimes it's hard to draw that line between being hard but fair, and going too far, in either direction. Become too soft, and you risk losing the respect and obedience of your child. Become too harsh, and you risk losing their love and adoration.
So, which is worse? I lean more towards the harsh side (while trying like hell to not be abusive). I've seen what permissive parenting does to children, when they become adults. And, I don't want my children to end up like that. However, I've seen abusive families, first-hand. I don't want my children to become bitter and angry, like I did. At the same time, my complex seems to be the easier of the two to cure.

We must always remember that sheltering our children doesn't mean we are making a better place for them. By doing that, we're only giving them better childhoods, and leaving them unprepared for the real world. Life is unfair. As someone I greatly respect once told his child; "The world will chew you up and spit you out."... and, I honestly believe it's a crime to tell your kids anything else. My children will be made to understand truths, instead of having a candy-coating on everything.
Life, without pain, isn't real. That means that every day, no matter how bad it seems, is a gift, and you should learn to enjoy every second of a good day, and learn from every moment of a bad one. But, then again, a good way to look at things is this; any day above ground is a good day. Live life, no matter what, and never give up hope. And, the only way to have any kind of hope is to remember that you've got to be persistent to get anything out of life.
That is the only philosophy I've ever heard, on life, that isn't a load of complete and total bullshit. Not even Jesus promises you that you'll coast through life with prosperity, happiness, and smooth trails. So, why should I tell my children that, as most parents are trying to do, nowdays.

No... my kids will be different. A little harder, a little more aggressive, a little more honest, than everyone else's kids. They might get in trouble, a lot, in school... but who cares about school? It's just a pain in the ass, anyway. You don't really learn much, in school... the real education happens at home.
And, when they move on to college, their first job, or the military... which ever path they choose... they will be better off, because their old man was a little mean, at times... a little unfair. Because that's what life is.

The one thing they will never doubt, as children, and as adults... is that their dad loves them, and wants them to have as good a life as possible. So, I have to lock myself away from the family, and cry, by myself, every time I'm forced to spank them... and, I'm sure there will be plenty of times when I have to feel like an asshole for grounding them. But, the fact that no matter how many times I have to be harsh, and these kids still want to sit and watch cartoons with me, when I get home from work, or play with me, on the weekends... that lets me know that I'm doing something right... even if it's just that one thing that really counts.

That's what parenthood is all about. Teaching a child how to be a good person, and showing them how to care about others. You can't do that by sheltering and spoiling them. But, you can't do that by ignoring them, or beating them to a bloody freaking pulp, when they make a minor mistake. You also have to remember that you can learn from them, too. That's something a lot of people forget.
There's my beliefs, on parenthood. Take it for what it's worth.

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